There are riots around the world because people are starving to death. The poorest countries don’t have food.

Thank God for Sam’s Club and Costco for solving this food shortage. You can now buy only four twenty-pound bags of rice at a time. Problem fucking solved.

For a little bit of actual help, go check out freerice.com. You can improve your vocabulary while helping starving children. No real commitment needed!

I get it. Barack Obama rules. Now shut up.

I think he’s by far the best candidate too and I think Hillary should drop out since she can’t win anymore and is only hurting her own party. If I was American I’d vote for the guy and maybe do a little campaigning too.

But reading only pro-Obama (probama?) and anti-Clinton/anti-McCain “news” on Digg is the kind of political bias that should in no way burden independent Internet communities like Digg. It’s not the websites fault, it’s the users’. I think anyone with half a brain can read unbiased news stories about all the candidates and make up their own mind. And end up with the same candidate you have.

I mean, McCain wants to stay in Iraq and Hillary already lost the race and lies to you all the time. There’s really one realistic choice out there. So stop lobbying for him like a crazy person for chrissakes.

Could someone point me towards a website as good as Digg without liberal political bias? Oh, and if you point me to one with conservative bias I’ll fucking stab you to death.

The Watchovski brothers used the anime-style speed lines in their new anime-based movie Speed Racer. You know, a still image of a character and some lines behind him/her indicating motion. See example.

I was going to be the first to use those speed lines in live action! It was going to be my thing!

I was also going to make a movie about killer sperm-bots in a dystopian future where people are batteries and a movie about a dude in a cloak and a white mask with a cool monologue with most words beginning with the same consonant. Mine was going to be called “C for Cunnilingus”. Oh, did I mention these were all going to be porn flicks?

I think PC users are cooler than Mac users for one reason: They don’t talk shit about Macs. It’s true that most Mac users just prefer Macs and don’t see any reason to talk about it. But it’s hard to find these people because the one fifth or so of Mac users never shut up. The loudest voice usually is the only one heard.

I won’t get into differences between PCs and Macs, for the same reason I don’t want to hear arguments why Macs are clearly superior and why everything Microsoft is shit and everything Linux is for nerds. Nobody gives a fuck. Seriously.

The world is in the shitter, there’s a new X-Files movie coming out, Hillary is “still in the race” and all you can talk about is why the new iMac’s keyboard is SO comfortable.

Please die.

Don’t get me wrong, I think scientology is bullshit too and I appreciate the effort to bring the whole cult down. There, I said it. You can check my real name from the Profiles-page. There’s even a picture of me, so when you send your pathetic little minions my way, you’ll find the right guy.

So, Anonymous, what’s my beef with you?

The fact that you wear masks, don’t reveal your identities and call yourselves “legion” like you’re a mindless fucking bunch of zombies. I know you’re not, because I know who you are. I’m part of you, I lurk on 4chan, I rickroll motherfuckers and I think scientology is even more screwed up than the Catholic church. But if you want to make a difference, speak out as people, not as a part of Anonymous with your stupid cardboard Guy Fawkes -masks. Speak out as plumbers, IT-guys, lawyers, unemplyed weeaboos or whatever the fuck you are. When the world sees thousands upon thousands of real people, opposing the Church of Scientology openly, they’ll listen. And perhaps join your battle.

I understand, a lot of you are afraid of the consequences. The CoS is a scary bunch of people, what with Xenu and the aliens and whatnot. But you shouldn’t be. Do you seriously think that they’re going to come after you if they see your face? For such an intelligent group of individuals you sure make a stupid fucking posse. What your cause needs is people in high places to speak out, not a bunch of masked douchebags waving signs with Internet jokes on them.

Newsflash, dumbfucks: nobody takes you seriously. Pic related.

For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, see the Wikipedia entry for Chanology.

I hate your jokes, I hate your movies, I hate your face and I hate your mother. I hate you like I hate Dr. Phil and Nascar. I hate you like I hate sausages in pancakes on sticks. You’re the reason why everyone else hates Americans.

If your movies were funny, I could maybe look past the underlying racism and blatant fear of everything different, but they’re not. Such abominations as Delta Farce should be banned. The film’s horrible racist subtext is so obvious it becomes text. If you didn’t exist, the demographic you’re marketed to would also be smaller. Rednecks are traditionally viewed as stupid, fat, lazy and prejudiced people and instead of using your popularity amongst the demographic to educate them and promote a more open view of the world around them, you simply feed them the fast food of comedy, simple, stupid jokes that make them feel good about themselves.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s important to feel good about yourself, but when you think it’s ok to live in a wheelless trailer in a high-risk tornado zone and spend your days watching Dr. Phil and drinking cheap light beer, something’s gone terribly wrong. You promote a culture where change is viewed as a bad thing, regardless of it’s nature. A culture where idiots are real men and smart guys are fags and wusses. A culture of alcoholism and domestic violence. A culture of racism, where all asians are chinks and black people are niggers. Of course you have to be politically correct, so you don’t drop the n-word publicly, but fuck, I see it in you.

And making the redneck culture into a politically correct entertainment for the whole family is the worst thing you can do. You’re a role model to children. Shit, the thought makes me gag. I for one will not be seeing your latest film, Witless Protection. I saw the trailer and I was unable to go to work the next day.

And while I’m at it… Fuck you, Dr. Phil. You’re just as bad as the Enron executives, if not worse. The biggest mystery is how you manage to sell books. I thought your fans couldn’t read. How someone can know how to read and still listen to that Captain fucking Obvious -shit you spew out is beyond me.

Sometimes I get so angry I almost cry.

I don’t know if you’ve already heard, but there’s a new Hulk movie coming out. It’s called, I shit you not, The Incredible Hulk. Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Anywho, I’ve got good news and bad news.

The good news is, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the horrible turd that marked the low point of both director Ang Lee’s as well as actor Eric Bana’s careers. That was honestly one of the worst comic book movie adaptations I’ve seen and I’ve seen Batman & Robin. And Spiderman 3. Sheesh.

The bad news, well, it’s a fucking movie about the Incredible fucking Hulk. It’s going to suck. So what if it’s got Edward Norton as the lead green lump of anger? It doesn’t take much talent to groan and smash a few CGI tanks.

Speaking of green lumps of anger, I’ve got a nasty one growing out of my ass and it hurts like motherfucker.

Why? I’ll tell you fucking why. There’s a rumor going around that Hollywood is making a live action film adaptation of the fucking piece of shit that ruined anime for an entire generation. Yeah, that’s right, Dragon Ball. I expect the movie to be three hours long and nothing whatsoever to happen in it. In the end we’ll find out that something will happen in the sequel, but it won’t. Nothing will ever happen in the series of films, eight times longer than the Harry Potter series. Not a god damn thing.

I hate Dragon Ball so much, that if this movie ever sees the light of day, I just might spontaneously combust where I stand. But I won’t die, oh no. I’ll remain in a state of suspended animation, as my rage and despair fuels the white flame that burns my flesh. And I’ll beg for forgiveness to the creators of the film from the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so that the flames may be put out and I might lay in the deep slumber of peaceful death.

I’d rather see another poor boy-rich girl street dancing movie. God.

I believe a restart is in order. I mean it’s been like, what, nine months since I last posted? I could’ve had a baby since my last post. You know, if I had ovaries. I’m a dude, I can’t have babies. What are you, stupid? Shit.

So I guess I’ll be posting again. I removed the old posts to reduce confusion on your part. Now I’m going to go to a dark hole to summon enough hate to write about something again. What’s that? I already have enough hate? Fuck you and your unborn children whose souls dwell in the eternal darkness of nothing. Hey, I guess you’re right. Thanks.